If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
