you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
