i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
