Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
