My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
