just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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