Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
