We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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