We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
