I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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