we're blogging at a bar
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
