So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
