Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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