I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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