we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
