Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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