the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
