Define "chronic" masturbator.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
