Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
