no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
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