so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
