forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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