So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
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no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
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the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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