my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
