Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
