i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
