if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
