just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Terrible idea I love it
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
