she sounds like chewbacca in bed
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
