That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
one two three fourrrrnication!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
