Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
