I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
