jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
