I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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