did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
