they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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