Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
