that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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