my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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