somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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