i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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