We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
The best revenge is premature balding
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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