I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
