Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
