If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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