last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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