you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
