Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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