some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
