I'm jealous of your bromance
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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