You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
