she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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