i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
