A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I will die if light touches me.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
