I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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