first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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