Everything about him screamed your future.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
