why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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