He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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