Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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