Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
