I am in a vortex of obligation.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
They have beer where we have blood.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
