I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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