he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
