My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
