I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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