I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I cannot find my penis.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
