I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we made out on top of his cat.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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