so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
