You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
