I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
