Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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